I am so stupid. Here I went and started this blog so I could be honest, and almost immediately I started lying.
I thought I was so smart (I know: stupid). I wanted a place where I could vent about the real me and all my socially unacceptable thoughts and feelings without worrying what irl friends and family would think. I wanted it to be anonymous. And then I created an extra layer of lies to really cover my tracks so there'd be no chance anyone would ever guess it was me.
The TRUTH: I'm not really a therapist.
There. The awful truth. It seemed like a good idea at first, because I really did study psychology, and I've thought of going back to school and getting my credentials so I could be a therapist. Sometimes I FEEL like a therapist; my irl friends think I'm this great listener and they're always coming to me with their problems and they say that I help them. It didn't seem like too much of a stretch to actually claim to be a therapist on this obscure, anonymous blog, and since I wanted the privacy to really speak my mind I thought it might give me the distance to feel safe doing that. Instead of coming out and saying "this is MY problem", I could say "I had this patient once who had this problem".
I know. Stupid.
Especially when I became a flaming hypocrite after I wrote my criticism of the Super Hopeless Romance scandal, and then that nosey Crash Test Dummy directed a lot of traffic over here (ack!), I realized that the extra layer of anonymity wasn't worth sacrificing my integrity and sleep.
Because I need my sleep. I need integrity too, but I need sleep more, and since I can't sleep without integrity, it's kind of a package deal, you know? Okay yes, again: stupid.
Hello! That's why I started this blog: so I can say all the stupid things that wash across my brain. Love me or hate me, it's who I am. I'm like an M&M: bright shiny smart exterior, filled with a decadent tempting stupid center.
Last night I started thinking: Now that Crash has exposed me, what if this blog actually became popular, and people start coming to me for advice, thinking I actually know what I'm talking about? And that sounded like a nightmare. So I figured I'd better come clean early, before the guilt ate me alive. And then I realized that if all THREE of the people who read this blog decide I'm a complete loser and never come back... well, then I can be honest to my heart's content and since no one will read it, I won't have to worry about anonymity, right?
I'm sorry I lied.
So maybe I should change my name and just be The STUPID Girl.
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Wow! Impressive. I think maybe you're actually a smart stupid girl rather than the other way around. I suspected you weren't really a therapist. I thought you actually might be a single girl hopelessly in love with your best friend. :)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, now we'll believe every stupid thing you have to say.
Just found you and I'm intriqued. I can totally relate to the feeling smart thing. I also sailed through school yet often feel clueless to what's going on. I like to think I'm smart but... I did once ask my husband to oil my squeeky brakes. Nuf said.
ReplyDeleteHey there, good job confessing. I dont think people really care that much if you are telling the truth, just if they are entertained. At least I dont. well... Unless they are teens, which I figured out after reading your "criticism"
ReplyDeleteGood luck, you are a good writer so have fun and if you lie, just say so at the end of your blog. It could even be funny.